Remembering the Goodness of God

This past Sunday, my pastor talked about setting up memorials in your life to help you remember the things God has done for you. For him, one was a tattered old Bible from which he was saved…another is a little church on the corner where his grandfather pastored. He mentioned this also, and I have done it for years, and that is; keeping a journal of thoughts, answered prayers, Bible study notes, etc.

But, I was just telling my husband the day before how God will set up memorials (I called them monuments) in your life whether you do or not. Let me explain….when my daughter was 14 her father came to pick her up for what I thought would be a 2 week vacation, but she never returned. It has been 10 years now. Our communication was cut off for years. A relationship, of sorts, was reestablished several years ago, but it is very strained and my daughter keeps me at a distance. She lives 4 hours away and will not visit here. I’ve visited her a few times, but not since my health worsened awhile back due to formaldehyde poisoning. She rarely says “I love you” and sometimes she calls me Wanda, instead of mom. Another woman gets that honor most often now.

When my daughter was taken away (I call it kidnapping), my world was turned upside down. I cannot begin to describe the anguish that I felt. I wouldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I cried for, not days, but months on end (actually, I still cry). My husband and son tried to console me, but I was too distraught to respond. It felt like my daughter had died, but there was and has been no closure.  

Satan tried his best to plant a seed of bitterness in me toward God and he almost succeeded because I did become angry with Him. I cried out over and over, “WHY! Why God! Why did You allow this to happen? I raised this child by myself for many years with no help from ANYONE! I took her to church. I prayed with her. I helped her memorize scripture. I tried to set an example. I sacrificed so much for her!”

For several months afterward I no longer read my Bible, I would not pray, and my church attendance became sporadic. But, my loving Father was long-suffering toward me and pitiful and full of mercy. He didn’t chastise me for my attitude because He knew I was already hurting too much. Instead of spanking my backside, He patiently sent me gentle reminders. The memorials (or monuments) He had already set up in my life were used to guide me back home.

I, in a sense, had become a prodigal and the Father was loving me back home. As the days went on, here and there, a memory would flash across my mind’s eye. I remembered the many times as a single parent that He had provided for me and my children when I thought all hope was lost. Like the time a check arrived in the mailbox from a source I would never have expected that paid for the power that was about to be shut off. And how He instructed me to visit a doctor in another county (that I had not seen in years) even though I didn’t have a dime in my pocket to pay him…only to find out at the end of the doctor visit that I had a credit on my account for the exact amount of the bill. And how He had answered many prayers in ways so miraculous that they could only be attributed to Him, especially the ones that had involved my children’s safety. And He reminded me that I still have a son who loves me very much and that I have gained a daughter-in-law who is like a daughter to me. Over and over, day by day, these memories of God’s goodness in times past kept flooding in. And I even thought all the way back to the day that He visited a little country girl who lived in poverty and made her a princess and heir with His Son.

All these were not only the goodness of God, they were memorials to His goodness and were not only for my present situation, they were also for my future ones. They were placed in the recesses of my mind so that when the unthinkable happened and I started questioning God about His love for me, He could say, “See, child, remember when I did this for you? Remember how I loved you and cared for you before? I loved you then and I love you now? Remember how you love your children? Are you a better parent than Me? Then know that it hurts Me when you hurt, but my plans for you are far greater than you realize. Even though this may hurt, it will ultimately drive you closer to Me, this situation will mold you into my image, and it will lead you to a greater destiny than you could have imagined. I am working out ALL things for your good…the good and the bad. It will be for your good and my glory and it will even help others!!”

Several months after my daughter left I cried out to God again. This time, it was to say, “I’m sorry” and I thanked Him for being so kind to me and for never leaving me and that even though I did not understand why this had happened that I was going to trust Him no matter what!

Now, I’d like to say that I haven’t faltered in the past 10 years, but I can’t, because I have, but I can say that God has been faithful and He has continually reminded me along the way that He is in this with me and that even when I cannot see Him working, He is still there. Just as the sun cannot be seen behind the clouds, it is still doing its job and it still has great power. I don’t need to see the sun to know it is doing what it has always done. I can feel it and I can see it in many other ways.

Because of God’s past goodness I can keep going, knowing that even when I forget, the God who never forgets will remind me and help me to carry on today and in the future. I thank Him for those monuments/memorials that have been set up along the path that has been my life in Christ. They sustain me and they give me hope. They help me to know that my God is true to His Word and that He is able to accomplish good even out of the darkest circumstance.

Dear Lord God, what a fortunate daughter I am to have an amazing Father like You!!!

The Princess Warrior ♔

 

P.S. The photo I used in this blog post is very symbolic to me. The woman holding her daughter is me. The daughter I knew is dead. The daughter I have now resembles her in no way, shape, form, or fashion. BUT, my Jesus is willing, ready, and able to give her new life. All I have to do is, patiently, wait. I have faith that He has heard my pleas on her behalf and that He will save her…in His time!